We all have that friend, maybe we have more than one friend (Even if you don’t have any friends, keep reading). Whether they be male or female, they’re the friend who is constantly in and out of their relationship. I don’t mean they jump from one significant other to the next, I mean the “on again, off again” relationship. One minute, they’re posting, sending texts, at the bar whining about how their s/o is such a horrible, disgusting person. What a big, meanie, poopy head they are! Wah, wah, wah!
But, sure enough, without notice, your news feed is filled with cute, cuddly pictures of the happy love birds. Captions and status updates reading, “The (man/woman) of my dreams. Love you always and forever,” or “I couldn’t be happier, I love you [insert chump’s name here]. Well, I hate to break it up the happy couple (No, I really don’t), but your relationship is probably doomed. This is what I usually see, and this is why I think you’re screwed.
“They Cheated on Me!”
Oh, you poor thing. Perhaps they wandered into another girl’s arms (and vagina). Maybe they somehow lost their clothes and ended up in that guy’s bed and, oddly enough, he lost his clothes, too. That silly laundry monster. It was an accident, they promise. They’ll never do it again. But, there goes all of your trust. Now, you’re sitting there replaying all of those sketchy moments, wondering if they were with someone else at that time, too. You can fix it, right? I mean, argue about it for a few days, tell each other you love them, and all is fixed. Right?
Now you don’t trust a damn thing they do. I bet you know their Facebook password now, don’t you? How about the lock code on their phone? You know what’s going to happen when you two decide to get back together? I’ll tell you what: You’re going to be insecure. Every even remotely attractive person of the opposite sex is now a threat to you. Is she texting him? Did he just touch her shoulder? Why did they make eye contact?! OMG, that whore just sat at the same table as that one guy! How dare she?! It sounds stupid, but it’s not that far from the truth.
You know what else will probably happen? You’re going to throw it in their face as often as you can. Every time you fight, you’ll probably bring that up. When you have that “why don’t you trust me” conversation, you’ll bring that up. When you cuddle up with your dog, or cat, or tarantula, you’ll probably make some snide remark about “Rufus loves me, don’t you? You’d never cheat on me, would you? Nooooo.”
Sure, people can have healthy relationships after something like that, but that takes a long time of making serious changes in your behavior. But how many of you really do that? How many of you are really serious enough to take the time, and the effort to make drastic changes in your relationship to “fix things”. If it’s a one time thing, I’m totally all for working things out.
But some of you are dealing with repeat offenders.
Let that sink in for a second.
“They’re SO Controlling”
Yup. This one is quite familiar. We all know that guy who loves to keep his girlfriend under lock and key. She never goes out, doesn’t really have much of a social life. C’mon, you don’t need friends to be happy. They’re just going to get between you two, duh. All you need is him, three square meals, and a walk around the block once a day. But don’t go too far, there are people who are going to want to spend time with you out there! Actually, maybe you need a leash. He should probably come with you, too. To keep you…safe.
Or that girl who makes her boyfriend cut out all of his female friends. I mean, after all, every woman out there is a cock hungry slut, right? If you love her, no way in hell you’d ever spend time with another female. I mean, ugh.
Those sort of behaviors are spawned from insecurities. Those nasty little things that don’t go away without some form of addressing the issue (See: Therapy). Sometimes, this controlling behavior is a result of what I talked about above. One person cheats, the other person becomes insecure, and in turn controlling. A lot of the time, though, the person is just flat out insecure and controlling from the get go. They’re sneaky about it at first, but spend much time with them and you’ll notice. Let me ask you this, though:
<em>If you left the little shit because they were so far up your ass, you felt like you were in the next installment of Human Centipede, what makes you think that returning to them will magically free your shackles? </em>
Being a freak can be a good thing, as long as it doesn’t follow the world “control”. Did you yell at them? I bet that fixed it. Did you post on Facebook or Twitter about how controlling they are? Do you think that made a bit of difference? If anything, it just made things worse. Every single person you vented to during your freedom is now probably seen as an enemy by your lightswitch of a s/o. Go back to that relationship, we’ll see you next year, because things will not change.
“All We Ever Do Is Fight”
Oh, you know your relationship is rainbows and kittens when you’re fighting on a nearly daily basis. I mean, your friends (if you’re allowed to have any), absolutely ADORE those yelling matches you two get into. In fact, the only reason they stopped inviting you places, is because they’re jealous they don’t have someone to yell at, obviously. No, no, it’s not because your constant drama has lead to your friends despising the very existence of your relationship. Who gave you that silly idea?
So, you reach your wit’s end with the yelling, the fighting, the bickering. You decide to call it quits. Now, perhaps you ended the relationship in a fit of anger. We’ve all had that moment of rage in which we decide “I no longer need your cuddling services, nor do I wish to retain the other services you provide me and my anatomy. Your time here has come to an end.” Sure, it won’t sound as eloquent, and might be a little more like this:
but you get the gist. The next morning, the next week, whatever, you decide to make up. Once in a while, it happens. Some of you, however, do this on a schedule. Every couple months or weeks, your status changes to “Single”, you’re posting about how much of an asshole so and so is. Hell, I was one of those people. Those issues aren’t going to be fixed by fighting, and then getting back together. I mean seriously, when does the drama stop? Once you start losing friends because they’re tired of listening to you whine about your mean, evil boyfriend, don’t you think it’s time you change something? Hint: The solution is NOT “Go find a new friend to listen to you whine about your mean, evil boyfriend.” When you have more Facebook posts about how crazy your “ex” is, or how happy you are now that you’re “single”, don’t you think you should…
I don’t know…
“Every Other Issue That I Can’t Even Think Of”
At this point, I’m so mentally drained from THINKING about OTHER PEOPLE’S relationship issues that I’m running out of steam. I know not all relationships fail because of the three reasons I mentioned above, but I’m pretty sure that covers the basics. So, to people who fall into every other category: Blah, blah, your relationship failed. You broke up. Whined about it. And now that you got that out of your system, you’re back together. Again. Not “together again” but, “together again, again”…again.
If You’re Going to Keep Doing This…
You need to understand this:
- You will lose friends. People will get tired of giving you advice that you ignore. They will tune you out when you cry about your relationship.
- You will be stressed, more and more frequently. The more you fight, the more trust issues you have, the more “under control” you are, the more your life will be spent looking over your shoulder, or theirs. I don’t even need to tell you the health risks of stress, but I can tell you they are ugly
- This could cause problems for every future relationship you have. Dealing with a two timing scum bag will lead to issues trusting people in the future. Allowing someone to control your life very well may lead to dependency issues, or even commitment issues in the future.
However, if you decide that you want to stay in your broken, damaged, run down relationship, I have one piece of advice: