Apparently, Chivalry is Dead.
The fact is, chivalry is dead. At least, in the original context. Chivalry was originally a code of conduct followed by knights, way back in the 10th century (or earlier). Pretty sure we don’t have any of those today. No, not even ones in “shining armor”. However, in the context of today’s society, chivalry is not dead. You just think it is. In fact, many of you are standing by and watching it wither away. Complain all you want, but you’re not doing yourself any good.
You’re Letting It Die
Men are the ones who are supposed to behave in a chivalrous manner, yes. They’re supposed to open doors, pull out your chair, walk closest to the street, all that jazz. (Don’t worry men, next week I’ll break it all down for you.) That’s what you want, isn’t it? But that’s not what you’re getting. Why?
Because they don’t have to.
Call me crazy, but I think men generally only do what they need to do when it comes to women. Whether he’s looking for a relationship, or just relations, it’s still the same concept. You might find a gem every now and then who goes out of his way to do certain things, but those are few and far between. In fact, even I had a very different outlook on this a little over a year ago.
So, you meet a guy who doesn’t open the door for you. He doesn’t open your car door. He doesn’t do this, or doesn’t do that. He might be a great guy, but just doesn’t do those things you’d consider chivalrous, or gentlemanly.
But you sleep with him anyway.
That’s the key to the whole thing. You just gave Mr. Halfass the green light. You’ve just reinforced whatever thought process he had during the whole wooing phase. He doesn’t have to open the door for you, because you’ll open yours for him either way. Standards? Expectations? Nahhh.
You might read about boyfriends and husbands who do these special things, but in your experience you’re probably just sitting there thinking men are the same and you’ll never find one like whoever that is. The thing many of you don’t realize is: You are your own worst enemies.
Don’t Let Chivalry Die
You want a man to open the door for you? Walk with us toward the door and then wait. Don’t stand in front of it, otherwise we have to reach around you, then try not to hit you with the door. It’s a whole ordeal. Walk up, stand off to the side a bit and wait. One of two things will happen. He’ll either open the door and let you walk through first, or he’ll open the door for himself and let you follow.
Call him out.
Want him to open the car door for you? This one might require a little more tact. During conversation, tell the guy you want a man who opens the car door. Stick to your guns. Once he knows, repeat this process with the car door. Wait. If he doesn’t open it…
Call him out.
The process goes for everything. If you want a man to do something, you either tell him, or trick him into doing it. If he doesn’t do these things, call him out. Even if your man is the one who wears the pants in the relationship, you have a LOT of influence.
*I just had a friend tell me that if a man stopped doing these things, that she would tell him, “You stop doing nice things, so do I.” Don’t. Don’t play that game. Do not pull some little trade system out here. These are standards. Either you do them or you don’t. If you have to bribe him or trade good deeds with him then it will backfire. “This is what I want. Either you do it or you don’t”. It’s all or nothing, ladies.
We know how much you women like to be subtle, to drop little hints and do your little pouting thing when you don’t get what you want. STOP. Use your big girl words, and say something. Don’t be a bitch about it, though. That’s counterproductive. But, if the guy doesn’t get the hint, or doesn’t want to do it, then you have to make that decision. You really shouldn’t have to nag a man to open the damn door. Do you want to be with a guy who doesn’t do these things? If you do, you’ve got no room to complain when he doesn’t.
I can assure you that if a man is interested in sleeping with you, dating you, marrying you, whatever, he will pay attention to you when you start talking about what you like in a man, or what you like a man to do. I will also tell you that the earlier in the relationship you start having these standards, the better it will go for you.