Pull Your Head Out of Your Ass: A Little Guide to Modern Chivalry

Women like gentlemen. They like smooth, charming, considerate men. Many of them like to be taken care of, to feel safe, to feel respected. Use whatever words you like, but nothing says more to a woman than what you do. (If you find yourself saying that women like assholes, or that they don’t like nice guys, I suggest you read this: Nice Guys, Assholes, and Friend Zones. OH MY! )

Last week, I lectured the women a little bit about raising their standards when it comes to men. Simply put, you won’t do a damn thing if you don’t have to. If that cramps your style a bit, guys, too bad. As a man, you should never rely on anyone to do anything for you, and that includes “making” you act like a man. Have some pride. Contrary to the saying, it is not always the sign of a foolish man. In this case, it could be one of the wisest things you could do.

Perhaps a few of you have no idea what I’m talking about. What exactly is gentlemanly behavior? How does one go about being chivalrous? Well, it goes beyond simply opening the door for someone. Let’s get into it, shall we?

Going on a Date

First, take note of the fact that I underlined the word “Date”. This is for emphasis. Going to her house is not a date. “Chilling” at your house is not a date. Playing video games with friends, or going with a group of people to a bar is not a date. Take the woman out. I’m talking a nice dinner, a quiet place to get drinks (alone), the movies, a museum, a picnic, fishing, etc. Simply hanging out at someone’s house is just that: hanging out. It’s what friends do. It’s what people in high school do. There is no excitement or creativity in such a thing. No reason to get dressed up. Show her you’re willing to put effort into things right off the bat. Give her a story to tell her friends! Oh man, women love to brag to their friends.

Yes, I’m aware some people prefer to be around friends when first getting to know someone. If that’s the case, so be it. Just don’t turn it into a giant party with everyone in your business.

Once you’ve got the date planned (Note: Be assertive. Choose the date based on your knowledge of her, her interests, and both of your personalities. Do not play the “I don’t know, what do you want to do” game. It’s disgusting and beyond irritating. Also makes you look like a bitch.), it’s time to show just how much of a gentleman you are.

.Pick Her Up

Purpose: This may simply be my opinion, but I believe a man is responsible for transportation. If you have a car, you drive to her home, drive to the destination, and then drive her back to her home when the night is over. Be on time. If you think you’ll be even remotely late, call her and let her know.
*Bonus: Bring her flowers. Nothing crazy or overboard. Certainly not something you always need to do, but it can be a nice touch, and will give her a reminder of the night. A single flower might do nicely. Plus, driving means you have the opportunity for road head.

.Meet Her at the Door

Purpose: It’s rude, and looks extremely lazy, to simply honk, send her a text or to call her and tell her you’ve arrived. Even less impressive if you sit in the safety of your vehicle while she makes the journey from her home to where ever you may sit. I think your date could take a turn for the worse if something were to happen to her on the solo adventure (See: Slipping or Being Attacked). Be a man, and get out. Walk to her door, knock or ring the door bell. When she meets you at the door, you either step inside and wait for her, or you walk her to your car.
*Bonus: When she meets you at the door, pay attention to her. Notice her hair, make up, outfit. You’d be wise to find something you like, and compliment her on it.

.Open the Car DoorYoung Man Opening Car Door for Prom Date

Purpose: There’s a theme to all of this stuff. The man’s duty is to ensure the safety of his date, and to show her a good time. A lot can happen in the time it takes someone to walk to their door and open it. Again, someone or something could attack her. She could break a nail. Or, most likely, you could look like an inconsiderate prick. Opening the door for a girl is a little awkward at first, especially if she isn’t expecting it. Women are used to opening their own, so you might have to simply say “Let me get your door for you,” if she doesn’t step aside and wait. Once she realizes that you’re a gentleman, she’ll be more likely to wait, and it will be second nature for you. You will do this each time she gets in the car. If she doesn’t beat you to it, do it when she gets out as well.

Open the Other DoorsUntitled

Purpose: This one is something you should do for people in general, and not just your date. Open the door, and position yourself so you’re not impeding traffic. Allow anyone leaving to exit, and those behind you to enter before you do. Failing to open the door for your date makes you look bad. Opening the door for yourself, and making her follow you makes you look like a douche. Don’t be a douche.
*Bonus: Untitled2

.Turn Off/Silence Your Phone

Purpose: You really shouldn’t need an explanation for this one. It’s rude to text, answer phone calls, surf the web, or play Candy Crush Saga while you’re on a date. She should be your focus. Look at her. Talk to her. Listen to her. It’s really that simple. If you must check your phone, do it while she’s in the restroom, or excuse yourself to go somewhere else and check yours.

.Pull Out Her Chair

Purpose: You look like a civilized human being. Pull out her chair, let her sit, and then assist her in pushing her chair in. Then, try to avoid any jokes that may arise from what you just did.

.Open Your Wallet6C8686667-tdy-130820-date-pay.blocks_desktop_small

Purpose: The man pays. Sorry, fellas. As traditional as it may sound, it is my belief that the man always covers the costs of a date. Always. Unless she specifically specifies that the night is on her, it’s on you. Even if she argues, calmly let her know that “a gentleman always pays”. Drinks? On you. Dinner? On you. Movies? Gas? Cover charges? On you. Be prepared for the evening. Last thing you want is for your card to get declined, or for you not to have the cash to cover something. Major deductions if she has to spot you.
*Bonus: This should be a requirement, but tip well. Don’t be a cheap bastard. Not only is it the right thing to do, but if you’re ever caught being cheap, you’ll look like a fool. Also, never brag about your generosity. You shouldn’t be doing it for the attention.

.Take Her Home

Purpose: Early on, show some self restraint. I’m a man, and I fully understand the temptations. The night goes well, you’re attracted to her, she’s attracted to you. You take her back to her place, or your place, and things progress from there. My advice is: Don’t. If this is your first, or second date, leave a little. Drive her home. Walk her to her door (same reasons as meeting her at her door). Let her know you enjoyed the night, you’d like to see her again, and kiss her. If she invites you in, you’ve got a decision to make. I’d suggest holding off. Kiss her, smile, and just say “Next time.” No excuses, explanations, or bull shit. Make sure she gets inside safely, and make your way back to your car, and to your place (or whatever).

.General Stuffs

Above is the standard date stuff. You drive, you pay, you open doors. Pretty cut and dry.  Now, there are a few other things you can do that might not be quite as noticeable but will still have an effect.

.Walking

A few things to cover here:

  • The man always walks closest to the street. This is simply for protection from traffic, spray, anyone crossing the street, etc.
  • If there is precipitation, bring an umbrella. Then, hold the umbrella. Make sure she’s covered.
  • If she lacks a coat, lend her yours (and don’t whine about it)
  • If you want to turn it up a notch and add a little extra feeling of safety, give her your arm like so:
    article-2244120-16623681000005DC-565_306x551

    (Oddly enough, searching for a good image brought me plenty of pictures showing couples arm wrestling)

    .Ladies First

This applies to everything. Everything.

.Forget About the “3 Day Rule”

Now that it’s so easy to send a simple text message, or get a hold of someone via social media or phone call, there is no excuse for “waiting”. If you like her and want to see her again, don’t pretend like you don’t. Waiting doesn’t do you any good, it just makes you look like a douche. I’m not saying you have to blow her phone up the second you leave, but reaching out the next day and striking up conversation isn’t a bad idea.

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All in all, acting like a gentleman is something you should make a habit of doing. At first, some of these things feel a little awkward. If your date isn’t used to them, it might initially be a little awkward for her, too. However, I can assure you that she will notice. More often than not, she will appreciate it and you will become more attractive. Your actions become more natural as you gain experience, and may become instinctive. This will set you apart from most of your peers, and anything that sets you apart in a positive manner is something you should make every effort to do. 

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